Discover more from The immaculate conception of the Dougalos
September 15th 2022
Reach out to Doug and Anthony
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The foreign man
By Fathy S.
Growing up, I thought Americans were people in black suits holding suitcases and planning to conquer the world. Most of the people when they think of a middle-eastern guy, they think of a brown terrorist who is screaming “death to America”. Watching this show and speaking with most of you guys showed me and, I hope you as well, that we are alike in a lot of things. We may live in different cultures and have different values, but at the end of the day we all like dogs, hanging around with friends, doing keto, eating steak covered in cream cheese and having a laugh. Bad people and terrorists do exist and it’s important to hate these actions and never tolerate them, but knowing that most of these people hate each other just because they were taught that the other side is the devil plays a big part in this. Think of the people you were taught to hate and just take the chance that they may be just people like you. Watching this show helped me introduce myself to the good people listening and know that most of my American friends are just as kind as any of my friends.
I Hope this wasn't so cheesy but it's words from a guy that used to hate you. Hope the day comes where we all see each other as humans.
Thor love and thunder movie review
Guns and roses sucks and so does this stupid movie.
The Superior Person to Person Communication Software
By Matthew “JWBLUE316” Briggs
The debate over voice communication software is, in broad strokes, pointless. There is an obvious outlier, above all the software, there is the ultimate software, Skype. While you say, no no no, Discord is better, or if for Business, Zoom perhaps, maybe even Google Meets, Scientifically, Skype sits above all else. When it comes to video and audio quality, Discord pales in comparison, having general decent video and audio at all times, with a paid option to get higher level video quality, while, Skype, the better option, has over all lower video and audio quality then the free option in Discord communication, with the added benefit of no control to group communication. When comparing it to Zoom and Google meets, Chinese funded and abused software, used to sell personal and group data to foriegn power, Skype also has them beat, being owned by the Microsoft Company, a much more prepared and well off seller of personal data to both domestic and foriegn power. As seen, Skype is the only personal communication software I trust, working properly at least 45% of the time.
A story by J.R.
It was about 8:30 when I managed to sneak my way out to grab a pack of cigarettes before my small window of opportunity would close shut.
Once I had stepped out to the very mild yet cool breeze outside I knew it was one of those nice memorable nights of summer the sort you look back at with nostalgia, just like those more popular winter nights where you'd hunker down with a warm drink and the cozy appreciation for the subtle gift of warmth , only now all I'm looking forward to is a little more of that cool breeze.
As I step into that little shop by the side of the road it hit me as a little odd standing there alone with only the guy who works there keeping me company, as he stacks chips in an almost melancholic manner, of course not wanting to dwell on my buddy's personal time I grab my cigs and step out to light one.
Only then did the night draw my attention again , once the initial buff of smoke had washed away some faint music managed to escape a passing car, in what seemed like a concerned effort to accent the quite light show that was put on by a cheap laser projector which hung off the little shack, though it only consisted of about a dozen of patterns dancing in sync they seemed impossibly mesmerizing in that moment.
Eventually I broke away from the hypnotizing lights and made my way back to work trying to hold on some of that profound feeling knowing it's only a matter of time before just like the night it also will fade away.
Sorry for the bad punctuation but English isn't my first language :)
Shame in my pants by Anthony’s Papi
A poem by Ramiro
These tacos taste so yummy,
As they fill up in my tummy,
The savory asada,
Loving me my salsa,
Stool in the heart,
A rush straight to my arse,
My hairs stand in shock,
This bathrooms fucking locked,
Shit bring me to my knees,
Touching cloth suddenly,
As Beg in agony,
Fuck rector Anthony
Is being racist ever the same as being right?
By bean room
I'm not taking about this new age progressive definition of racism either, but the text book definition instead. Now im sure any window licker who has a big enough dent in their skull to listen to this lovely shit show of a podcast would have the definition drilled in their brain from the repetitive nature of this podcast, but seeing as i tend to think much higher of downys then they deserve ill remind all of you. To be racist is defined as being of the belief that a particular race is superior to others. We have all been conditioned to immediately disagree with such a line of thought, but I belive that in order to disagree with something you must be able to break it down and find a logical fallacy that topples the argument, so please don't dismiss the aforementioned belief or my soon to be seen reasoning behind it. It is undeniable that on average some races are superior in some aspects to others. So, if an omnipotent entity was to tally up the number of things any race is superior in (and adjust for the value of each aspect) then the race with the most on average superioritys with value of each aspect taken into account would be the superior race. The only possibility where there is no superior race is if their is a tie, which of corse is extremely unlikely (to the degree that its almost not worth metioning). Even if you find my claim of the inevitability of one superior race far fetched, there is an argument to be made that merely being of the belief that some races are on average superior in individual aspects to others falls within the definition of racism, proving that racism isn't always wrong. I know this isn't the funniest newsletter (unless you think I'm being ironic) but i do feel it represents the other half of the podcast.
If this humored or intrigued you at all feel free to visit my thread in the discord.
I can't tell if my train of thought is decipherable to anyone so let me know if I sounded schizophrenic in the comments below.
Who is right:
A novel in pieces
“When’s this bitch gonna get here? We have to hurry!”, Anthony complained. Doug scowled, “Don’t talk about my daughter like that, you can say whatever you want about me, but she’s off limits. There’s nothing more despicable than to insult and ridicule a mans child!”. Anthonys gaze lowered because he’s a little bitch who’s easily intimidated. “Sorry, you’re right…” The harrowing news from Youtube had left the both of them on edge, luckily Anthony had taken charge in coming up with a plan. Readjusting his trenchcoat, he changed topics, “Those chinamen are gonna answer for this shit”. Doug trusted Anthony, but knew he was kind of retarded, “And you’re sure it’s China that was behind it?” Now it was Anthony who scowled, “Of course it was! They’ve got youtube in their pocket and have been working in the shadows to take us down for years!” Doug nodded, it was times like these that he was thankful for all of Anthonys behind the scenes work. He would have never been able to make the connection to China on his own. Now all they had to do was head into chinatown and get some answers.
Dougs license had been revoked and Anthony got anxiety from driving because he’s gay, so they had to wait for Dougs daughter to pick them up. “There she is!”, Doug pointed. “It was nice of her boyfriend to lend her his car” Anthony said graciously. Leaning down to the window, Doug greeted his beloved daughter. Her hair was braided into cornrows and she had a cigarette in her mouth. “Gross…”, Anthony mumbled as he slid into the back of the crown vic. “Took you long enough to get here.” Doug complained, squeezing his curvaceous body into a seat. The car leaned to one side, nearly hitting the ground because Doug is fat lol. “So what do you guys need to do in chinatown?”, Dougs daughter inquired as they drove off. Between inhaler uses, Anthony explained their plan. “We’re gonna make those zipperheads unban our youtube” Rubbing something underneath his trenchcoat, he added “One way or another…”
Doug burped, adding the smell of alcohol and cum to the stench of cigarette smoke. “I’m gonna need to borrow some money too sweetheart”, Doug held his hand out expectedly. She frowned, “Have you been drinking again?” Now Doug was angry-mad, “Fuck off you selfish bitch! Ain’t none of your business what I do!” Her voice broke as she replied, “Why can’t you just quit this podcast thing and come home! Mom misses you!” As Doug began to tantrum, the car shook. “Don’t you get that there are hundreds of dollars at stake here? Can’t you think of anyone but yourself!?” With Dougs daughter in tears, they arrived on the outskirts of chinatown. With shaky hands and mascara running down her face, she handed Doug a twenty. “Really? Only a twenty?” Doug sighed and left the car without a word. Right behind him, Anthony patted Doug on the back and offered reassurance “Yeah, she just doesn’t get the show”.
"I Wish" Skee-lo
When I look back on my teenage years, I think of the songs that got me through a hard break up or a bad tryout for the spring musical. Most people would guess it was the theme from Rocky or something by Hughie Lewis and the News - but its not. In fact, it is one of the first 'gangster rap' tracks to make it out of the south side of Chicago - it is a song called "I Wish" by Skee-Lo. If you have never listened to this song, give it try the next time you are down. It is a story about life inside the Ghetto and one man's struggle to find his place in the world. In the immortal words of Mr. Skee-Lo "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her." He goes on to say that he wishes he had a rabbit in a hat with bat and a six-four impala. It doesnt take a lot of digging through those lyrics to know that he is really onto something here.
Is Fat Day actually good? – A review of Anthony’s “spoons-down-the-stairs” music.
Fans of Who’s Right will have heard many times throughout the course of the show’s existence of Anthony’s unorthodox taste in music. Listeners will know that the conversation usually ends with Doug ridiculing Anthony’s favourite band, Fat Day, and Anthony complaining about Doug’s inability to appreciate music. But why is there such a difference in opinion between the two? Today I attempt to answer that question.
If you haven’t listened to Fat Day, I highly recommend you listen to at least one song before you continue reading so that you understand what I’m about to say. The music is purposefully set to a low volume, so it would behove you to use headphones and turn your volume up.
Now, Wikipedia describes Fat Day’s genre as “noisecore”, alluding to how the music initially seems like a jumbled mess of instruments just going at it. To the untrained ear, it may – as often described by Doug – sound like “spoons falling down the stairs”. I asked Anthony a while back for a playlist by the band, and after listening to several songs I realised that there was something very important that Doug completely overlooked:
Anthony’s mother never loved him as a child.
The rape of the listener’s ears is symbolic of the rape of Anthony’s childhood by the actions of his whore mother who left him. Fat Day’s songs perfectly fit the definition of “rebellious teenager douchebag music”. Enjoying it would be nothing if not pure motherless behaviour.
Fat Day’s music is the kind of music that you would have expected teenage Doug to have listened to in his room as he jerked off and smoked weed, and not old, sad Anthony as he sits there reflecting on his uneventful life at the CNC machine. It is obvious that the only tits that Anthony ever suckled as a kid were that of an oak tree’s acorns (see Dougalo Newsletter #1 for images of said acorn).
But Anthony is right. Doug cannot appreciate the music like he does because their experiences of life were vastly different. This doesn’t mean that Doug is better than Anthony, for unlike Mr Baldy over there, Mr Balding doesn’t need an aeroplane seatbelt extender. Then again, Anthony doesn’t fly which is probably for the best.
Ultimately, though, there is no objective definition for what makes music good or bad. Who’s to say that me sitting on a piano won’t be the favourite tune of a devolved monkey that found itself stuck in my house? And no, I’m not referring to black people. Fat Day may be loud, douche-y, and meaningless to some people, but listening to it makes Anthony feel good. So, who are we to tell him he shouldn’t listen to them?
By Ryan the professional cook
Korean Style Ground Beef:
(serves around 2 or 3 people)
You will need: A non-stick pan, spatula, whisk and a medium sized bowl.
-500 - 750 Grams of ground beef
-1 large clove of garlic, minced
-1/2 cup of soy sauce
-100 grams of brown sugar
-2 teaspoons of sesame oil
-Pinch of black pepper to taste
-pinch of red chilli flakes (or a teaspoon of chilli oil)
1) Add the soy sauce, brown sugar, sesame oil, black pepper and chilli flakes to a bowl and whisk until combined.
2) Heat a nonstick pan up to medium-high heat, once heated, add oil and garlic, cook the garlic until it's fragrant. Add your ground beef to the pan and begin to break up the beef into small bits. Cook the beef until it's brown and the water has cooked off.
3) Lower the heat down to medium and pour the sauce over the beef, cooking until the beef absorbs the sauce. Transfer to a bowl, serve with rice, top with sesame seeds and thinly sliced green onion.
Greek Salad and Balsamic vinaigrette:
You will need: Mason jar, knife and cutting board.
- 2 - 3 Bell peppers, large dice
- 1 Large Red onion, large dice
- 2 Cucumbers, large dice
- 1 cup of feta cheese
Just mix that shit together in a bowl, crumble the feta cheese, dress with the vinaigrette.
1/2 Cup of balsamic vinegar
1/4 Cup of olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste
Pour all the ingredients into a mason jar, secure the lid tightly and shake the everliving fuck out of it.. Shake until combined.
2 large cream of chicken soup
3 extra sharp cheddar graded bags
1 to 2 pounds of cooked ground Serloin
1 hardy cut Orida hashbrowns bag
Some panco to sprinkle on top to your liking
Mix the shit all togeather then bake for an hour or until golden brown
Hecken enjoy Brother!
Tall Toms Tree Talk
Hi all. Last issue's tree talk sure was fun wasn’t it. Well get ready for your knickers to get knocked off; this time we’re talking about the baldcypress tree (figure 1).
You’ll find these trees typically in swampy settings. More often than not in soils that are typically flooded. What’s interesting about these trees is that they have knees (or pneumatophores) (figure 2). It always seemed weird to me that you’d find these trees with knees in swamps, I thought you’d only find them in Minneapolis, but I guess they’re located near most Auto Zones since 2020.
I have two theories:
1.) someone definitely tried fucking these
2.) Scientists claim that these knees are used for gas exchange, I wasn’t taught what that is, so I thoerize that baldcypress trees use gas exchange to reproduce, in a method I call “Fart Sex”
here is a chance of learning a little about chemistry and having fun doing it.
you'll learn how to make black powder, napalm and a little prank to see the fruits of your efforts.
· REDACTED (100w)
· Socket (duh...)
· ¬ cup soap chips
· Blackpowder! (open some REDACTED shells!)
· ¬ cup REDACTED or REDACTED
· REDACTED tape
· Lighter or REDACTED blowtorch
Procedure for a Napalm Bulb:
1.Heat REDACTED/REDACTED in a double REDACTED.
2.Melt soap chips, stirring REDACTED.
3.Put somewhere and allow to cool.
4.Heat the REDACTED of the REDACTED VERY REDACTED to melt the REDACTED. Remove REDACTED, slowly drawing out the REDACTED. Do NOT break the cheap electrical REDACTED and/or the filament or this won't work!!
5.Pour the REDACTED into the REDACTED, and slowly lower the REDACTED back down into the bulb. Make sure the REDACTED is dipped into the fluid.
6.Re-glue the threads back on. Insert it into a socket frequently used by the victim and get the hell out!!
When the victim flips the switch, he will be in for a BIG surprise!
Procedure for a simple exploding lightbulb:
1. REDACTED a small REDACTED in the top of the REDACTED near the REDACTED!
2.Carefully pour the REDACTED into the hole. Use enough so that it touches the REDACTED!
3.Insert into REDACTED as normal (make sure the light is off or else YOU will be the victim!!)
4.Get the hell out!!
if you do not have black powder, here's a recipe for Improvised Black Powder
Black powder can be prepared in a simple, safe manner. It may be used as blasting or gun powder.
· REDACTED, 2 cups
· REDACTED« cup
· REDACTED, 5 pints (2-« liters) (whiskey, rubbing alcohol, etc.)
· REDACTED, 3 cups (3/4 liter)
· Heat source
· 2 buckets - each 2 gallon (7-« liters) capacity, at least one of which is heat resistant (metal, ceramic, REDACTED.)
· Flat w indow screening, at least 1 foot (30 cm) square
· Large wooden stick
· REDACTED, at least 2 feet (60 cm) square
1.Place REDACTED in one of the buckets.
2.Place REDACTED, charcoal, and REDACTED in the heat resistant bucket. Add 1 cup water and mix thoroughly with wooden stick until all ingredients are dissolved.
3.Add remaining REDACTED (2 cups) to mixture. Place bucket on heat source and stir until small bubbles begin to form.
· CAUTION: REDACTED boil mixture. Be sure ALL mixture stays wet. If any is dry, as on sides of pan, it may ignite!
4.Remove bucket from heat and pour mixture into alcohol while stirring REDACTED
5.Let alcohol mixture stand about 5 minutes. Strain mixture through cloth to obtain REDACTED Discard liquid. Wrap cloth around black powder and squeeze to remove all excess liquid.
6.Place screening over dry bucket. Place workable amount of damp powder on screen and granulate by rubbing solid through screen. NOTE: If granulated particles appear to stick together and change shape, REDACTED entire batch of powder and repeat steps 5 & 6.
7.Spread granulated black powder on flat, dry REDACTED so that layer about « inch (1-¬ cm) is formed. Allow to dry. Use radiator, or direct sunlight. This should be REDACTED as soon as possible, preferably in an hour. The longer the drying period, the less effective the black REDACTED.
· CAUTION: Remove from heat AS SOON AS granules are REDACTED Black powder is now ready to use.
and most importantly, have fun!
I was a middle aged bald male who had never experimented with a man before. You were a young masked proctologist who obviously works at staying fit and keeping your nails clipped. Your gloves hid your deceptively large fingers but your calm voice helped me as you eased yourself inside of me. You moved slowly in and out of me slowly bringing me to my first man pussy climax. I now know what Roxy meant when she said "Being stuffed is awesome", I felt so full. As I was in the throws of my orgasm I felt your hands on my shoulders and realized what was happening. You were using your massive meat sword instead of your fingers to check my prostate. I was in heaven being plowed like the parking lot of a shopping mall after an early morning snowstorm. As you reached max tempo and starting pulling me by the hips onto you, impaling yourself into me - I could feel the heat from your balls build up until finally you came with the force of a thousand migrant workers fighting to get out of an overheating semi trailer. I had no idea that one person could release that much fluid at one time. I felt your love sauce running down my leg, not wanting to waste any of it, I scooped it up in my palm and we both lapped it out of my cupped hand like two dogs sharing a water bowl on a hot summer day. You noticed I had some of your pineapple sweetened baby batter on my lip so you came in and gave me the most passionate kiss of my life. We passed your salty nut nectar back and forth several times with our tongues before I selfishly swallowed it. With both my front and backdoor having been christened with your white creamy gentleman's relish much the same as the bow of a millionaires yacht gets soaked in champaign - I left in a rush.
Anyway, I was hoping you could introduce me to your receptionist, she is hot and I am not gay.
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